Tuesday, March 31, 2009

P2R2 Day 31 - I am not a Role Model.

P2R2 Starting Weight 03/01/09: 160.0
Yesterday: 148.0
Today: 146.6
Released Since Start of VLCD: 13.8
Total lb. Released with hCG: 33.6

So, yeah. Been absent a minute... and it's mostly because I feel guilty and ashamed of myself and because I hate, hate, hate to disappoint people. I know that sounds ridiculous and this is my protocol and my weight loss and I shouldn't care what other people think.

But I do.

SO - I have not been good for... oh... about a week now. By "good" I mean eating on-protocol. I think that my first "all on protocol" day this week was yesterday, and I lost a good pound-and-a-half overnight. Which is great!

Except we went to Uccello's today for lunch.

I had a grilled chicken and pesto pizza... which isn't so bad, except for the gallon of olive oil they must put in the pesto. :P Add a lil cheese and crust in there, and I feel like a total goon. It did taste good, and I didn't overstuff myself. Still, I am still on hCG, and I probably will not see another loss tomorrow morning, if not a gain.

Though I've been deviating from protocol, there are a few reasons that I don't feel so much regret. For one, I know that my fat is still redistributing. My clothes continue to feel looser, and my boyfriend still comments that my hips feel smaller and I look like I'm still losing weight. For another, I was feeling reeeally crappy there for a week or better. I don't know if it was low iron or what, but I could hardly get out of bed and I felt like something the cat dragged in for most of the day, every day. I ate a somewhat normal meal last week, and I felt better almost immediately. I was thinking about maybe testing my hCG to make sure it's still good.

Still, for those who I've encouraged and admonished and tried to support through their deviations (or very near), I feel like a big jerk admitting that I've not followed protocol. I should probably just get over myself, huh?! lol I just don't want someone starting new with hCG to read my blog and think it's cool to just lah-dee-dah through P2. I'm sure my stalled losses speak for themselves, though.

Am I over-thinking this?? I feel bad because I did it, but I also feel bad because I don't really feel bad about it. LOL I think the best thing to do is start taking this one day at a time again, and stop feeling bad.

On the upside, I've made it my goal to finish this round in the 35 (Total) Pound Club. I only have 1.4 pounds to go, and I'd really like to end up in the 40-Club. I'll keep my fingers crossed. We also went shopping today, and I am officially in a size 8! :D All of my jeans are too big, so I went and bought a couple of new-to-me pairs at a local re-sale shop ($3.00 per pair and 50% off today!) along with a couple extra size 7's for incentive. Along with the jeans, I found a really pretty pink skirt outfit and a gorgeous black and white formal gown - both in size 7. So I have a goal again... I think part of my problem is that I fit into a bunch of my smallest clothes and temporarily lost my drive... Hmmmm....

Anyhow, we are off to shop again - this time for groceries and a princess dress for my daughter. Sunday is her birthday, and I found the cutest Pink Pricess Tea Party recipe book at her last book fair. So yes, we are going to have 6-10 beautiful pricesses in my house for Saturday afternooon tea, and the Guest of Honor simply must be the most beautiful princess of all. ;)


Dawn said...

You should NOT feel guilty in anyway! Nobody is perfect and when we blog about our bad days, someone out there who read this and feels the same way, knows they aren't alone. What help would these blogs be if everyone said how easy it was and how perfect they are all the time?? It wouldn't be real. I love that you are real!! Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

I agree. Thank goodness for a good dose of reality. I cheated felt bad, over it!! Hang in there. I was just dragging these last couple days and so I doubled my protein at lunch. I guess tomorrow we will see. I figured that was better than the pizza I really wanted to have. Best wishes. Thanks!! Shelli

Mo2Lose said...

Aime we are all human. This diet is extremely hard and it is actually nice to see your honesty. I know I have not stuck to the plan 100% so don't beat yourself up. You have done a kick ass job!

applebottomblues said...

Hey Amie... we've all been there. I agree with the others. Many people will get something out of your honesty, but on top of that... look at all this support that is here for you. I don't think anyone that's been on P2 would judge you because which one of us hasn't done the same thing! We are all here to support each other.

It was a really good idea to go shopping to feel great about the size you've gotten to & get some motivational clothes as well. Doesn't it feel good to slip into those size 8s effortlessly?! So don't sweat it. It's just a couple of days lost. Whatever the scale says tomorrow, just move on.

Shawn said...

oh my gosh! we all mess up! You are doing great!

Michelle said...

The reason you should still feel like a roll model is because you tell the truth and make it REAL!!!

You are doing GREAT! Thank you!

M said...

View this:


Mollie said...

Hey there lady - back from my hiatus as well. I hope you aren't still feeling bad about your deviations. I think it is normal to have those days where you just need to eat something else; that little piece of whatever. As long as you're still happy with where you're at, that's all that matters.

You're still a role model to me! :)