Welll... I've gained a little the past few days, but I'm still on hCG so I know that my fat is on the move! Not much since the Birthday Party Incident to report, except that I've been nibbling here and there on sugary foods...
So, what IS it with the damn sugar cravings?? Does my body WANT to be overweight? Doesn't it realize how terrible sugar is?? X( I just don't get it. My big issues have been with sugar and cheese.
God, I want some right now. And chips. I ate some organic, spicy tortilla chips the other night and they were so fricken delicious. I kept eating them until I felt satiated, and then stopped. My lovely BF (skinny, muscular... never, ever has had a weight problem) even brought me a small plateful of them after I was done. It was done out of love, because he wants me to be happy. He knows that when I eat food I like, I'm "happy". (Or at least easier to get along with! LOL) It was really cute and I thanked him, but refused. He took them right away and apologized... I felt a little bad, like I was being mean, but I really really want to get down another few pounds before I call this P2 done.
He keeps telling me that he wouldn't care if I was overweight. I love that he is so unconditional (the great thing is - he wouldn't care either. He wouldn't treat me any differently at all), but I am doing this for me. I want to be thinner and healthier. I want to look good in that bikini and in a pair of butt-hugging jeans... I want men to mumble under their breath about my BF and "how the hell did he score that babe??" LOL Is that bad? I don't care.
I want to be a Hottie again, and the great thing is - I CAN be.
I can also be healthier and make better decisions and thus be a much better rolemodel for my daughter. I want HER to be healthy and happy with her body, too. Her little face is so precious... if she hears me say something about being fat (or not wanting to be - I try very hard not to call myself "fat" around her), she always looks me right in the eye and says, "Mommy, you're not fat." and usually gives me a hug. I just love that little girl to pieces.
OMG - totally off-topic: I took her to the dentist today for the first time in like, two years... oops... because one of her adult front teeth was coming in behind the baby tooth and pushing it outward. (lol - cute, but not good) He is a guy I went to school with, and he's a really good doctor. Cute, great with kids.... good thing I'm taken... LOL But ah... we went there today and they decided to extract the baby tooth. First, they gave her gas. Which... I wasn't aware they were going to do until she got the mask out. He told her he was going to "freeze" her tooth (wtf? "Freezing" is not a nice, comfortable feeling if you ask me!) and take it out. So I thought... OK, a little gas, a little numbsy-gel... no big deal. Then ol' boy pulls out a fricken foot-long silver SYRINGE and starts jamming the needle into her gum. D: D: D: D: D: WTF??? She freaked OUT.
Now, you have to understand my relationship with my daughter. I pull no punches. When something bad is going to happen, I let her know. She went into the hospital once because she was throwing up blood. They had to run an I.V. and the nurses could not get over how good she was about it. I guess normally they have to restrain 5-yr-olds for an I.V. ... ? But I told her what was going to happen and to please be very still, and I held her hand the whole time. I got no chance to do that this time, and I'm a little pissed.
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